The Other Side of Paradise: A Memoir Page 10

  I wonder whom else she might bring. I know people always bring things from America. But I had never heard of anybody bringing people.

  After Samantha and Shane fall asleep, I broach the subject with Delano. “Lano, who you think she could bring?”

  “Stacey, you really getting stupid now! She could bring anybody! She could have a husband, or other children, or her friend them from Canada, or people from Montego Bay, or even my father.”

  I never considered that she might have a husband or other children. “What you mean, she have other children? She don’t have no other children! She have us! We is the children she have! Me and you. Okay, maybe she can have a husband. But no children!”

  I am silent for a minute. Then I am angry at Delano for suggesting it. “And why she would bring your stupid father? Him don’t live in Canada! Him just live in Montego Bay!”

  “Shh! Stacey, don’t talk so loud!” He puts his hand over my mouth. “Listen, her plane landing in Montego Bay, and my father live in Montego Bay. So him might just pick her up from the airport. And who knows, maybe she will marry my father and then we can live in Montego Bay or all of we can go straight to Canada.”

  I bite his hand and push him off. “So why you think my father not picking her up? My father live in Montego Bay too! Suppose she want to marry my father!”

  He looks at his nails and then smiles before he answers. “Well, nobody really know exactly where your father is. And I think him married already. And him don’t want anything to do with you. Otherwise, him would send things for you, like my father send for me. But don’t worry, man—if she get married to my father, you can come live with us. But only if you learn to keep your clappers shut sometimes, all right?”

  I pull the covers over my head and turn my back to him. The sheets smell of blue soap and the mothballs from the dresser drawer. I like that smell. I hope the sheets in Canada smell like mothballs. Minutes later I hear him breathing deep and even beside me.

  I lie awake, thinking about my father. To have me, my father must have committed adultery. Psalm 51:5, Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin my mother conceived me. I wish I could go ask my father why he did not marry my mother. Just show up at his house one day. Maybe he is not even married. Maybe he is just waiting for my mother to come and marry him and take him to Canada.

  On the morning of the eleventh no one has to wake us. We finish making the bed, and Delano asks for a time check. I look at the clock in the living room and report, “Seventeen minutes past seven o’clock.”

  Delano heads out to the pigpen. Pigs fed, goats moved, and eggs collected, we shovel breakfast down our throats. I scald my tongue on the hot cornmeal porridge, but I don’t complain. Samantha and I clear the table, while Shane and Delano rake the front yard. Aunt June orders baths for everyone. Grandma pulls out my red dress with the polka dots. I sit in my white panties while she combs my hair. To make sure the part is straight, she runs the comb from the tip of my nose up over my forehead. She measures the weight of the two puffs and makes minute adjustments to ensure the part is just right. Then she oils the white line of visible scalp with Vaseline. Aunt June has given permission for me to use Samantha’s hair clips. Water is sprinkled over the top of my head and the hair is brushed until smooth. The two red bubble clips are used to secure the hair. A perfect braid hangs behind each ear. I like when Grandma makes the two plaits fall down the sides of my head. I feel very grown-up.

  Grandma sends me for the dress. “Bring it come to me, I don’t want you to fuzz up your hair!”

  She carefully slips the dress over my head, zips me up, and smoothes my hair again. I put on my blue socks and tie the laces of my brown school shoes. I feel like a princess when Grandma gives me her handkerchief with the yellow flowers embroidered around the edges. I pass through the living room on my way to the veranda. Aunt June stops sewing when she sees me. She pushes the needle in the pincushion and claps her hands. “My Lord! What a thing when dish towel turn tablecloth! Turn around and let me see you!”

  I twirl and she whoops some more.

  “You are a puss in boots today, Miss Ma’am! I hope for your sake that woman show up today!”

  I trip and just in time catch myself from falling. “She coming, Aunt June! Uncle Harold says so!”

  Aunt June picks up her needle and jams it into the cloth. “Well, if your Uncle Harold says so, it must be so, right?” Her face gets serious. “Now go on outside. But stay on the veranda. I know you cannot stay clean if you are in the yard.”

  I take my position on the red veranda. As soon as my mother comes through the gate, I will see her. Moments later, Delano arrives in his yellow dress shirt and black pants. His hair is wet and greased and parted to the side. He looks like a wet rat. But I tell him he looks very pretty.

  “Who you calling pretty? Boys are not pretty! Boys are handsome.”

  “Okay, Delano, you look very, very handsome.”

  We sit in the blue and white plastic patio chairs and wait. Samantha and Shane play cricket in the yard. Shane is winning. Soon he is bored and calls out, “Delano, come play with me, nuh? This girl-cricket is foolishness. She can’t even bat, much less bowl to me!”

  “Delano cannot come out there to play no cricket with you. Him will get dirty before we mother come for us!”

  Shane throws the ball at me.

  “Who ask you nothing, Miss Mouth Almighty? I was talking to Delano, not you.”

  “Shane, it don’t matter who you was talking to, him cannot play today.”

  Delano kicks the ball back to Shane. “Staceyann Chin, why you can’t just shut up? Him was asking me. And I can play if I want to. But me don’t want to play now.”

  “Delano, sometimes you are such a follow-fashion! Why you would let him inveigle you to go and dirty up your clothes when you know your mother is coming from Canada? You are a disgrace to anybody who look at you!”

  “Stacey, nobody is inveigling me to do anything. So just shut up your blasted mouth and stop telling me what to do.”

  “Stop telling me to shut up! Is my mouth and I can open it when me want! Why you want to go outside and dirty up yourself when you look so pretty today is beyond me!”

  “How much time I must tell you? I am not pretty! Stop saying that! Before I thump you in your big fat mouth!”

  “Delano, I don’t care what you say! Is a compliment me giving you—you look pretty today. Is that a big crime, that you look pretty?”

  Shane takes up the call and runs with it.

  “Delano, you look so, so very, very pretty! Ooh! Ooh! In your pretty shirt and your pretty pants. Delano is a pretty girl! Delano is a pretty girl!”

  Delano’s face is getting redder and redder with every taunt. “Stacey, me warning you, take it back!”

  “Me not taking nutten back, Delano. And you wouldn’t dare hit me today!”

  Shane runs back and forth across the yard. “Delano, please don’t hit me with your pretty little fist. Not today, when your pretty mother is coming from pretty Canada!”

  The chair is yanked out from under me and I look up to see Delano sailing toward me on the floor. He rips out the red clips and pulls at my dress. The ripping sound makes me scream and grab at his shirt. The buttons fly off and hit me in the face.

  “Fight! Fight! Mummy, come quick! Delano and Stacey fighting.” Shane is jumping up and down with excitement.

  When Aunt June arrives, we are a pile of rumples and rips on the red concrete floor. “Now there is nothing to say to the two of you. Imagine, God has seen it fit to send your mother from all the way in Canada. As I speak, she is already on her way. There is nothing to be said of man’s ungratefulness in the infinite mercy of God! Now get out of my sight! The both of you get up and go put on yard clothes. You obviously are a set of wild animals. You have no idea how to behave like decent human beings. Get up from that floor at once!”

  We collect our bits and pieces and go to the bedroom to change. I put on my purple dress wit
h the oil stain on the front. Delano pulls out an old khaki school shirt and some church pants that Grandma made into shorts because they were too short. I try to brush my hair. It looks so ugly. I wish Grandma could do it for me, but I am afraid Aunt June would see me if I go to look for her.

  Delano and I do not say a thing to each other. We go back to the veranda and wait for our mother in silence. The morning passes in painful expectation. The sun on the veranda gets hotter as the day gets later. It would be cooler to sit in the living room. But we are afraid we might miss her.

  The white van marked JUTA TOURS in big blue letters on the side pulls up a little after two. The driver, his white teeth grinning from his smooth dark face, wears a white long-sleeved shirt and black pants. He jumps from the driver’s seat and quickly opens the passenger door.

  A tall woman with lots of curly bronze hair slides out. The long white dress falls softly around her slender frame. She holds the hem of the dress aloft as she turns to close the door. She is darker than I imagined and she looks nothing like Grandma. She straightens her sunglasses and stands there for a minute, looking at the two of us standing on the veranda. Suddenly her right hand clutches her throat.

  “Oh, my God! Look at my baby. I would know you anywhere. Delano Mark Anthony, you still have the very same face!” Then she is crying and holding out her arms to him. Delano stands there, rooted to the ground.

  “Come here, come to your mother.” She beckons to him. He walks over to her and she envelops him. I stand aside, watching the embrace.

  “You too,” she invites, “you can come too.”

  My mother smells like talcum powder and coffee beans. Her arms are tight, but I do not feel as if she is holding me. I stand very still while her long red nails make scratching sounds on my back. Her toenails are the same color as her fingernails. She smells like something else, but I cannot think what it might be. Something else, like Christmas fruits soaked in rum and sugar. I don’t know if I like that smell, so I stop breathing. She hugs us for a long time. I can’t wait for her to let me go. Her belt buckle is pressing into my forehead and my neck hurts from the way she is squeezing my head.

  Finally she lets go. I inhale deeply and marvel that I could hold my breath for that long. She whispers something to the driver, who immediately unloads the van. There are bags and bags and bags of things. The driver puts the bags in the living room. He asks for a drink of water. Aunt June sends Samantha to get it. He drinks all the water without taking the glass from his mouth before he nods to Mummy and drives away.

  She hurries us inside. “Now, June, can you please tell me, where is my mum?”

  It takes me a moment to figure out that she is asking for Grandma.

  “She round the back, washing,” I say.

  “No! No! No! She cannot be doing laundry at a time such as this! Please go and get her, now! Right now. Tell her she has to come and greet me this very minute!”

  She sinks into the couch and rubs her forehead. “I cannot believe my mom is doing laundry! I have not seen her in ages, and she is too busy with laundry!”

  Quicker than anyone expects, she begins to open bags. Aunt June offers her a drink of sorrel.

  “Oh, June, sorrel is so sweet. I’m convinced those things are not good for anybody.”

  “Hazel, you want the sorrel or not?”

  “No, thank you, June. I’m afraid it might give me a headache. Now, where is my beautiful son? I have brought him something very special!” She reaches down into a bag and pulls out a small black box.

  “Is this a camera? Does it have real film? And is mine? Thank you, Mummy! Thank you very much!” Delano cannot contain his joy. “You see this, Stacey? You see me new camera?”

  “Yes, Delano. Is very, very nice fi true.”

  “Oh, Staceyann, don’t be so jealous. I brought you something wonderful too.”

  Just then, Grandma walks into the living room.

  “Oh, Mother! Mum! Oh, my God, you are a sight for sore eyes!”

  She falls upon Grandma. Grandma pats her, the way she pats me when I want something I cannot have. My mother is pressing her face into Grandma’s chest. “Mum, it is so good to see you! How are you?”

  I can see that Grandma cannot understand her. She is talking too fast and her mouth is too far from Grandma’s face. But Grandma nods and pats her again.

  “I have lots of dresses for you. And I know you adore hats. Are you still into hats, Mum?”

  Grandma is just nodding and nodding and nodding.

  She hands Grandma a big bag of clothes and tells her, “These are all for you. I shopped very carefully for you. I wanted you to know how much you really mean to me. Even with all the distance, you mean the world to me, Mum!”

  Grandma takes the bag and pats her again. “Hazel, I have some washing to finish up. So me soon come back. And I thank God up in heaven fi sen you come back, so me can see you before me dead!” Grandma is wiping tears from her own eyes.

  “Okay, Mum. I know it must be hard for you to be so emotional. And I don’t want to mess up my face again, so go. Go and finish your laundry. I understand. Okay, so where are we now? Yes, we are opening the gift for my little princess.”

  It feels like the sun is shining on just me. I don’t know what to do with myself. I shift my weight from leg to leg and watch while she finds the appropriate bag. She reaches into the largest bag and pulls out a doll. It is almost as tall as I am. The large blue eyes stare emptily at me. The smooth pink skin is hard and cold to the touch. The dress it is wearing is too short. And she is wearing red high heels. She looks like Jezebel. “Mummy, you didn’t bring me any books?”

  “Staceyann Chin, do not be ungrateful! I spent the last two days looking for that doll. And it cost me a pretty penny, I’ll tell you! Much more money than I could have paid for any book!”

  I do not care how much the doll cost. It is ugly and is dressed like a fallen woman. I want to throw the doll on the floor, but I am afraid to make her angry, so I hug the doll and tell her I love it.

  Delano and I get lots of new things: shorts sets, dresses, a pair of bright red pajamas, and hair clips—everything but shoes. She did not know our foot sizes, so she couldn’t buy us any shoes. Shane and Samantha get a few things too. But not any clothes.

  “I don’t think any of these will fit you guys. Both of you are so much bigger than Staceyann and Delano. I bet you both like your hamburgers, don’t you? But I have plenty of hair clips and socks. You are both welcome to have some of those.”

  Mummy hugs us every time she hands us a new gift. “Come here and give your mother a big thank-you hug.”

  Every time she holds me, she exclaims, “You are as thin as a pin! You could be a runway model! What in God’s name do you eat? You can’t eat anything and be this slim!”

  After she says it a few times, Aunt June gets upset. “Hazel, in the nine years you leave these children with Grandma, you ever send one red cent to buy a piece of bread to feed them? You are damn out of order to come here passing remarks about them being fat or thin!” Aunt June gets up from her chair and stands over Mummy. “Hazel, I will let you know this much. You can fool them children with your antics, but I have the power of God in my eyes. I see straight through everything you trying to run from. You do not give a damn about these two children. Not one cent, eh, Hazel, and you know that Grandma was not working. And you know how Jamaica is for poor people! Is not like you never used to live here!”

  Mummy begins to pack up the bags of things.

  “Look at me, Hazel! When was the last time you go to bed knowing what your children have eaten for dinner? When?”

  “June, you are so melodramatic. I think of them every day! Not a night goes by when I am not worried sick about my babies!” Her voice is screeching and odd.

  “Well, if such is the case, and you are worried about them being so thin, take them. Take them and go feed them yourself.”

  “Don’t be silly, June, what would I do with two small children?”<
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  Aunt June and Uncle Harold turn away from her.

  “June and Harold, I do care about them! I do! I do! I think of them all the time!”

  They do not believe her, but I believe her. I feel sorry for her.

  “I understand, Mummy. I think about you all the time, too.”

  She looks at me and bursts out crying. “Oh, Ma Chérie, I know that you do, and I appreciate it so much.”

  This time when she hugs me, it feels good. And I am glad that she remembers my middle name. I did not even know the correct pronunciation till she said it. It sounds really pretty on her tongue, like I am somebody special, somebody from somewhere else.

  When she stops sobbing and raises her head, her eyes look funny. Like somebody had punched her in both of them at the same time. “Staceyann, is my mascara running?”

  I have no idea what she is asking, but I nod.

  “Okay, then, let me run to the loo to fix my makeup.”

  When she comes back, she covers her face with her hands and screams, “Ma Chérie, don’t look at me. The light in that bathroom is awful. I must look like a scarecrow. I have no idea how June puts herself together in such a small dark place.”

  She pats her eyes with tissue paper and sits on the couch. “Now, my darlings, come and sit beside me and tell me what great adventures you two have out here in the country!”

  Delano tells her that he gets groceries from his father every month. “Oh, Delano, that takes such a weight off my mind. I am so glad he is taking good care of you.”

  She looks so pleased that I want to tell her something about me. I settle for telling her about Nancy Drew. “Mummy, I can finish a whole Nancy Drew in just one week.”

  “Oh, Chérie, I am so glad you like learning about other places! Are you learning another language in school? Can you speak any French? Everyone speaks French in Canada. French Canadians are so sophisticated. Not like Americans, who can only speak one language.”

  “No, Mummy. But I read the stories in the Bible. They tell you a lot about Egypt and Jerusalem and Bethlehem.”